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Keep "Doing the Most:" 7 tips on How to be Your Most Authentic, Confident Self
+ "Material Gworl" Pinterest Ad: Intro to my upcoming course, Keesh the Biz Healer, to learn how to build your own Authentic brand
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I hope this message finds you well.
For this love note, I want to begin with discussing the phrase, “Doing the most.” Now while I’m sure most of you have heard this phrase, I’ll play it smart and not assume/potentially making an ass of myself and give a brief, historical meaning of the phrase.
“Doing the most” is a phrase that is commonly used to describe someone or something as over the top. It’s a phrase that has haunted me majority of my life, so much so that I wrote and dedicated a poem, “@KeeshUBougie,” in my book, Lavender Heart Tea, in the format of a eulogy. Finally putting to rest all the guilt and shame I have held onto for so long for simply being “different” and true to myself; often consistently perceived as flamboyant, bold, and overtly orderly.
Haven’t purchased Lavender Heart Tea yet? Well, today is your lucky day!
I am sharing “@KeeshUBougie” with you from Lavender Heart Tea:
Even though I was routinely mocked and teased for “doing the most,” I still often times only peeked out from the shadows: Not allowing myself to be too seen or too perceived. Being just the right amount of bold not to cause too much friction and/or discourse. Still making sure not to be too loud or speak up too often about the things that bothered me and caused me agony and pain.
For the majority of my life, I kept silent and just did things:
“The way they were suppose to be done.”
“Lived the life I was suppose to live.”
“Be the good girl I was always destined to be.”
Until the day I said, enough was enough and I broke free from my chains and I have been singing my own tune ever since. I wouldn’t say it has been the easiest journey at all, especially initially. I have felt all sorts of guilt and shame for simply daring to exist and take up any form of space by being my authentic self.
But now, I speak freely.
And although it is still a daily battle and struggle not to revert back to old habits of silence, each day I reclaim more and more of my authentic self.
I’m going to go out on the limb and declare that if you are here reading this love note on some level of your subconscious, you too yearn to live authentically in your truth.
Allow me to encourage you to take the leap and speak your truth; whatever way that looks for you. Even if people you have known for your whole life are now completely confused by the way you choose to live your life.
Speaking and living your truth will only offend and repel those who benefited from you shrinking and living in the way they perceived best for you. And don’t get me wrong, honoring your authenticity doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone in your circle will “get” or “understand” every aspect about you, but those that are truly for you will allow you the space to show up authentically, without judgement.
Check out my “Keep Doing the Most” pep talk on my Youtube channel:
7 Tips on How to “Do the Most” i.e. Be your most Authentic, Confident Self
Are you interested in showing up as your most authentic self? Try starting with these 7 tips from a previous chronic, co-dependent people pleaser:
Get real with yourself- A good starting point for honoring your most authentic and confident self is to truly get to know you. And I know that may sound weird because how could you not know you, it’s you right? Well, not necessarily, especially if you have lived your entire life to please others and have never really taken the time to get to know yourself in your most vulnerable form. What are the things you like to do? Where are the places you like to go? What are the things you do in private you are too afraid to admit aloud? Know thyself intimately.
Always be open to new things- Personally, I am quick to let anyone know that I am a student of life, meaning, I am always open to learning new things and hearing other perspectives. Change is the only constant in life. And when you become too rigid to new things, you miss out of the trueness of yourself because who you are is forever evolving. So, don’t stifle your growth and expansion not being open to the vastness of our existence. If you really knew it all, you’d know you really know nothing at all.
Don’t take things personal- This was a big one for me. As a previous chronic, co-dependent people pleaser, my livelihood was heavily dependent upon how and what I did made others feel. But what I have learned is that 10 times out of 8, people’s criticisms and critiques are merely projections of their own perceived shortcomings. But when there is a lack of self awareness, it is far easier for people to push their harsh judgements onto someone else. This is why it is so important to “know thyself” because for me personally, I know my own BS intimately and I actively work on it (awareness + intentional action= growth). Can the one projecting so harshly onto you, say the same?
Don’t be afraid to change your mind- Like I said previously, change is the only constant in life. I use to think and believe a lot of things that no longer resonate with me, but that does not make me flaky or inconsistent. It means that I am open to evolution. Never allow anyone, including yourself, make you feel bad about changing your opinion or viewpoint on a matter. It is okay to gain new knowledge and choose to feel differently than you previously did about something. If change is the only constant in life and one never changes, are they living?
Be the observer of your thoughts- Another important thing I have learned is that my thoughts can be fleeting, cringey sociopaths; one minute they can be “this” and the next minute they can be “that.” And that’s okay! That’s what the brain/consciousness does: takes in information in that moment and form a haphazard opinion/decision. When you understand this, you have a better understanding of your thoughts and emotions and allow them to come and go. This gives you the opportunity to sit with those fleeting parts of you (the conscious/ mind), combined with the more centered and aligned parts of you (the unconscious/ soul) and make better decisions more conducive with your longevity (the physical body). Welcome your emotions with open arms, then bid them farewell when it is time; for your body is not a tombstone, but a living temple.
Be ‘kind,’ not ‘nice’- I use to think that if I was nice to everyone I came in contact with, everything would work in my favor and all would always be well. And boy, was I wrong! Just like emotions, people are fickle; including me and you. So, this is why it is important to please thyself and not others. Now, I aim to be ‘kind’ but I am not necessarily ‘nice;’ meaning, I set the necessary boundaries I am comfortable with and I do not feel bad if those boundaries do not align with what others think and feel I should be doing. Again, those truly for you, will not be shaken by your spoken boundaries, i.e. your voice.
Be loud and proud, but also know when to pull back- Yes, it is important to use your voice and speak your truth and live boldly in your authenticity. But also, know when to pull back and let bygones be bygones. We are all living our own chosen lives and realities and although you may have the purest intentions and want someone you love and care for to act or behave differently for their overall wellbeing, you have to learn let people do as they desire and know if it is meant for them to change, they will have to be the one choosing that change. No one is coming to save you, but you and that goes for them too.
“DOING THE MOST”/ “MATERIAL GWORL” Lavender Heart Tea Pinterest AD
In honor of “Doing the most” and being our most authentic and confident selves, I created a 1“Material Gworl (Girl)” Lavender Heart Tea Pinterest ad and provided a step-by-step guide as to how you can create one for your personal brand and/or product(s)!
Check out my YouTube video: How to create an attractive social media ad:
Are you interested in building your own unique, Authentic brand, but not sure how to start? Click below to get more information about my upcoming course, Keesh the Biz Healer, for more in-depth guidance and tips on how to build and grow your own Authentic brand!
AND just in case anyone may be lost or confused by the “Material Gworl” reference for the Lavender Heart Tea Pinterest ad:
“Material Girl” (1985) was a very popular song by the artist, Madonna, and “Material Girl (Gworl)” (2020) is a current viral sensation inspired by Madonna’s original hit by the artist, Saucy Santana. Both songs highlight one being showered and lavished with luxuries; essentially one who requires “the most” in money, diamonds, and other forms of luxuries.
Also, Saucy Santana is a perfect example of someone being true to their most authentic self; no matter what others may think about it!
💌Missed the last love note? No worries, check it out below:
💌REMEMBER: Be Authentic. Be YOU. Know that it is safe to be yourself and the only people that benefit from your silence, never truly had your best interest at heart. With the above 7 steps and the guidance of your own intuitive knowledge, you will be standing confidently and boldly in your authenticity consistently until your work in this realm is complete.
Until next time.
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